Under the bridge

Perpetually I seem to remember
the day that we went under the bridge.
It was a sunny Monday,
strategically we went,
leaping from rock to wet rock,

celebrating because
every moment together
was a recess from reality.

I wore the brown boots, 
the one from our first date.
In the middle of the river,
you gave me your hand
and pulled me close.

You held me, 
and I held you back.
We stood in the wind,
resisting the current,
beating time.
I was safe,
and I was free.

As we kissed,

I remember wishing 
that someone was taking our picture.
That maybe somehow,
someone could capture

the adventure you gave me,
the beauty you activated in me,
the way my soul lit up around you.
That maybe-

(you felt it too)
we were going down in history.

And we were.
We were.
And now
that I know it,
it is too late.

This-

This is how I will choose to remember you
You, perpetually tapping
You, in the rear view mirror
Your quiet energy, your sweet persistence,

How I was a diamond in your world of playground rocks.

I will remember you with your skinny waist,

I will remember your suede promises,

the lightning of our first embrace,
all the way to the edge of desire.

Your body in the back seat,

the way you taught me and

our perfected chemistry.
You, my best friend,
my only one.

I will remember you in grocery store parking lots,
on Denver sidewalks,
the volume of your snaps,
you on top of the Space Needle.
I will remember you in your element,
and when you met me in mine.
I will remember you on every long drive,
every mountain pass, through tears,
craving you to make my brain feel quiet
one more time.

Because you,
you remind me of home.
I know because I loved you first,
I could love you forever.

So I don't know how to stop.
I don't know how to stop being innately me.
I don't want to.
Please,
don't let me go,
don't let me go,
don't let me go.

Because I love you,
and I can't.

Still,
I search for you nightly,
And wait to stop shining
until I see you meet the coast,
or at least until
the sun comes up again.
When it's time,
I wait for you in between breaths.
I wait for you where the needle meets the vein.
I wait for you like you loved me,
across every galaxy.

I'll never ask for anyone but you.
I ask, and I ask again,
but it is
and I am
too late.

I cannot be close, it breaks me, and
I keep my distance.
Heartbreak was a foreign word,
till I was loved by you, and
I need you to come translate for me again.
I need your voice to 
unlock all the love that's trapped in me.

Only when I am far away,
From far away,
That is where I choose to remember you.
I will remember us under the bridge.
Before we lost our footing on wet rock,
Before we drowned.

Because if I put you there,
under that bridge,
then I cannot remember you
in all of the other places
where it still hurts.